Part 9: Graduation Day

On April 2, I was 7 weeks 6 days pregnant. I was looking forward to this ultrasound because I wanted to make sure the babies were doing well after our first flight. I went in for the ultrasound. The babies had grown so much in just one week! If I could, I’d invest in my own sonogram machine!! My favorite days are the ones where I can go and see my babies.

Here is a photo comparing our 6 week and 7 week ultrasounds. You can see the growth in just one week.

I got to see the heartbeats again. It was amazing.

That day was also my “Graduation Day.” My Reproductive Endocrinologist suggested some OB-GYNs for my care. I had already picked one out and he said that she was a good choice. I was told how I could wean myself off the progesterone suppositories and estrogen pills. He gave me a graduation gift including a bag, pregnancy journal and magazine.

I checked out and walked out of the office with Grant, holding my graduation bag and ultrasound pictures. I graduated! I was going to become a “normal” pregnant woman, going to a normal OB-GYN. After all that we had gone through from diagnosis to all of the tests and all of the medications, we had succeeded. We made it to week 7. The next milestone was getting through week 12.

Part 8: Back Up

So we had our Embryo Transfer on 2/25. It was in the morning of 2/29 that I got that text message from my manager asking me to, “Call me asap.” Four days after we transferred our embryos I found out that while I had been planning to not be pregnant on the incentive trip. The trip I thought I had lost by the narrowest of margins. That day I found out that I had, in fact, earned that trip. Grant and I were headed to Europe in less than two months!

Us Type A people spend our lives planning everything. I planned where I’d go to college. When I met Grant I knew he’d be the one I’d marry. I knew our wedding date before he proposed. I owned all of the moves in my career, always staying a step ahead of any foreseeable obstacles. My plan was to win the incentive trip, the goal I had set for myself when I came to this company, go on the trip and then get pregnant. That was not God’s plan. God’s plan was for me to have it all, and have it all at once. So I thought I lost the trip, we got pregnant, four days after the transfer I find out that I did win the incentive trip. Then, less than a month later we found out that we were having TWINS! I call it happy hour at the fertility clinic…two for one!

My mom was, of course, terrified at the thought of us traveling overseas pregnant. I know, though, that this was all God’s plan. I asked the doctor, with my mom in the room, if it was ok if we traveled while pregnant. He said yes. I asked if it was ok if we traveled overseas in less than a month for two weeks. He said of course. I hoped that settled my Mom’s nerves, but I knew she was still on edge.

I had one trip before we left for Europe. The twins were going to be in their first wedding (at 7 weeks 4 days)! One of my dearest friends, a friend I’ve had since first grade, was getting married! I packed my bags and traveled up to Philadelphia to be there for her and her now husband, Keith. It was an amazing weekend. Jenny and Keith were surrounded by love and warmth. The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. Jenny was beautiful beyond words. And I barely fit into my bridesmaids dress! ;) Congratulations, Jenny and Keith!

 Me and Marin :)

 Jordan, Marin and Me

 Me and Jordan at dinner

 Me and the Bride :)

 The kiss!! Congrats Jenny and Keith!!!

 The four of us...all married...all friends from first grade!

 Most of the bridesmaids :)

 Marin, Jenny and me

Me, Marin, David and Jordan

Part 7: Our first baby photos!

I had an entourage on that Monday. I was joined in the doctor’s waiting room with Grant, my Mom and Tess, my 17-year-old baby sister. I was nervous. What if there was nothing in there? I told my family that I wouldn’t ever get pregnant and that I had come to terms with that. It was ok. I would be ok. That we shouldn’t expect to see anything in there.

The night before, I had a dream. I dreamt that we were in the doctor’s office. The doctor did the ultrasound and told me we were pregnant with triplets! I was shocked and asked how could that happen?! We only put in two embryos! He said, in my dream, that they both took and one split. Crazy dream.

I walked back by myself, had my blood drawn. By this time I was a pro at the old routine at the reproductive endocrinologist’s office. I told the nurse that I had a group with me today and asked if it was ok that they all join us for the ultrasound. She said yes. I went back to the waiting room and motioned for them to follow us. We walked back into the exam room, a room where this all had started. This was where I was first told I’d have to do IVF, where we watched my follicles grow, where we talked to the doctor about how many embryos we’d implant. We had been through so much. I thought about how this could potentially be the moment where my doctor saw success when for so long he sees so many families that have struggled with years of heartbreak. I was hoping for a success, but fearing and preparing myself for the worst, the negative ultrasound.

My doctor entered the room. I introduced him to the family, hoping that he didn’t feel uncomfortable with the audience. I told him about my dream. He laughed and went in to see what was going on inside me. Grant was to my left with my mom and sister behind me. We could all see the ultrasound monitor. This was the moment of truth. Did this really work? Were the tests false positives? Was I really pregnant?

It only took a minute. My doctor said…,”there is twin a…and there is twin b.” People ask me how Grant reacted. I can tell you that I couldn’t tear my eyes off that monitor. There were definitely two babies in my belly. Two! I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder. I was sure she was emotional behind me. Then, the doctor showed us both of the heartbeats. I was surprised we could see them so early. I was 6 weeks 6 days pregnant! It was another moment in this process that I will never forget, this time a great moment.

I remembered when I just started this process I’d see couples walking out of the reproductive endocrinologist’s office with ultrasound pictures. Today that was me. I was walking out of the office with my babies’ first pictures. I was a success!

My doctor hugged me and congratulated me and Grant. I told him that we couldn’t have done this without him, his staff, his support and his confidence. He said, as he said from day one, that all he needed was an egg and a sperm. I knew, though, that we also needed God’s support, and I knew we had it and it was all in his hands.

Here are our babies at 6 weeks 6 days. Two perfect little beans!! :)

** You can also see my huge ovary to the left...still swollen from all of the stimulating hormones!

Part 6: Beta Time

Tuesday, March 6 10dp5dt: It was time to for my blood draw. I drove down to my doctor’s office early in the morning. I felt good after seeing positive pregnancy tests, but knew that the blood test could still be negative. The test took just a few seconds. I am now a pro at blood draw and all needles. Through the IVF process I was having my blood drawn every three days for 3+ weeks.


I had to wait for that phone call. It was a long day of work. I brought my phone into each office with me, ready to step outside if I saw my doctor’s office calling. I got the call around 1PM.

POSTIVE!!! My beta (HCG level) was 328. (28 is Grant and my lucky number as we started dating 08/28/02 and got married on 05/28/06) Definitely positive! I was so happy. Typing this I am getting teary-eyed. I immediately called Grant and told him the great news. He was thrilled. I called my mom, she cried. Her whole office had been following this process through her updates. I could hear her telling her coworkers that it was positive. I was pregnant!!!!

The next step is to make sure the beta/HCG number is doubling properly. I had to go in for another test on Thursday.

Thursday, March 8 12dp5dt: I went in for my follow up blood draw. Once again I waited until the afternoon, hoping for a 660+. I got a call early afternoon. The number was 544. What did this mean?! Was I not pregnant? Was the pregnancy not viable? I asked a million questions. The nurse said the doctor wanted me to come in on Monday for a 3rd blood draw before he would feel comfortable with my HCG numbers. She said that the pregnancy could be ectopic…meaning that the embryo impanted my my fallopian tube, not uterus. She said if I felt any sharp pains in my side to rush to the ER and call their office immediately. I got off the phone…googled ectopic pregnancy…freaked out…called Grant. He tried to calm me down, but there was no calming me down. I did not going through all of this to not have a baby...not when I came so close and got so excited just 48 hours ago. This rollercoaster needed to end with a happy ending. I cried. I called my Mom. I cried. I called friends. I went back to work. The only thing I knew I could control. I called my doctor’s office and demanded another blood draw on Friday…not Monday. I couldn’t wait in agony all weekend. That was not an option.

Part 5: Transfer Day & Happy Birthday, Mom!

Saturday, February 25... Transfer Day: I read online that eating walnuts and the core of a fresh pineapple helps with the implantation of embryos. While I was on bed rest on 2/25 I sent Grant out to Publix to pick up a fresh pineapple and a bag of walnuts. He ran into a neighbor at the store who didn’t know we were doing IVF or even trying to expand our family. This neighbor made a comment to Grant that I must be having cravings…hence the odd purchase. Ha! If they only knew…

Grant came home, peeled the pineapple and cut it into 5 large discs. I ate one each day for the next five days and snacked on walnuts. Maybe it helped…maybe it didn’t, but I knew it wouldn’t hurt.

Thursday, March 1... 5 days post 5 day transfer: I did it...I peed on a stick. In secret. It was negative. I was let down, but not totally disappointed. Before we had the eggs retrieved I had to give myself 2 trigger shots. These shots contain HCG, the hormone picked up by home pregnancy tests and blood tests. So having a negative pregnancy test, while not what I wanted, at least let me know that the trigger shots were completely out of my system. The only thing worse than a negative test is a false positive...in my opinion.

Friday, March 2... 6 days post 5 day transfer (6dp5dt in IVF speak): The following Friday was my Mom’s birthday. I thought the best gift to her would be a positive pregnancy test. I knew it was really early to see anything, but I thought I’d try one.

The IVF process takes a lot of the fun out of trying to have kids and finding out you are pregnant. I still remember the moment when my Reproductive Endrocrinologist told me I’d have to do IVF to have a family. It’s crystal clear in my memory. At that moment I felt like so much was being taken away from me. I wanted to have that moment that I always dreamed of…the moment where I am the only one who knows I am pregnant…looking at that positive pregnancy test for the first time and deciding how I would tell Grant and my Mom. IVF couldn’t take that moment from me.

Friday afternoon I took a pregnancy test. I let it sit. Checked it. Big Fat Negative. I was disappointed, but knew that it was still early. There was still hope.

That night we went out to dinner with the family to celebrate my Mom’s birthday. I didn’t tell anyone about the test. I hid it in my drawer.

Saturday, March 3... 7dp5dt: The next morning I peeked at that test again…and there it was. My moment. A Big Fat Positive!!

Somehow overnight it turned positive! I ran to get Grant, told him about me taking the test on Friday and it being negative…and how it was now positive! I was ecstatic…he was cautiously optimistic. I called my Mom and asked if she could come over to see our new bathroom vanities…a ploy to get her to come over and see the test. The vanities were still all boxed up…I showed her the test and she, too, was not sharing my excitement. Her and Grant wanted to wait until the blood test on Tuesday, 3/6.

I peed on several more sticks…all showing a faint positive…before the blood test on Tuesday.

3/3 test

Kayla…you’ll have to wait for the baby pictures…stay tuned! ;)

Part Four: Let the injecting begin!

It was the end of December. I was in the hunt for our "President's Circle of Excellence" incentive trip. We decided that we'd do all that we need to do to get my body ready for IVF while focusing on earning my spot on the PCE trip. I started Birth Control Pills and had blood work done along with two very painful tests. One in which they tested my uterus to make sure it was healthy using saline solution and one where they tested my fallopian tubes to make sure they weren’t blocked. The fallopian tube test was for insurance approval since with IVF you completely bypass these tubes. That test was awful. I was in a lot of pain and Grant nearly passed out in the room after seeing me in pain. I wonder how he is going to make it through delivery! Grant had to have a few tests done as well. After all the testing we got the insurance approval in January! What a relief and a blessing!

I was just a few weeks away from knowing if I had earned our incentive trip. I told my fertility clinic that we’d start IVF in February if I didn’t win our incentive trip and in May if I did win as the trip was in April.

I went to our national meeting in the end of January, hoping that the final numbers would come out that week. I knew I was so close! The numbers came out...well I actually hounded out Director of Analytics until he handed over his all-knowing Blackberry! According to my calculations I had lost by 109 pills...which is not much at all...<1%. I was so upset. That night at the meeting I went to the gym at the hotel and ran. I had to do something to get my mind off this narrow defeat. I had worked SO hard and came SO close.

I felt this was God telling me to jump into IVF head-first in February. That is exactly what we did. Having been a supportive friend through several IVF ups and downs I thought I knew what this all entailed...

I ordered my medications from a specialty pharmacy. They all arrived in a one BIG box. Syringes, needles, gauze pads, alcohol wipes, SHARPS container for used needles, and all of the medications. It was overwhelming. On my first appointment, when we started IVF, I brought the entire box. The nurse walked me and my mom through all of it. How to draw up and mix the medication, how to inject it, when to inject it. This was all becoming so real.

 Here is a photo of a few of the medications/supplies in my guest room/Walgreens.

The bill from our first round of medications.

From that point on I was told I couldn’t work out or enjoy even an occasional happy hour. I had to act as if I were pregnant. No more lunch meat, no unpasteurized cheeses, no sushi, no tuna. I was on at least one shot each day, and sometimes up to 3 shots in one day. All of the shots were time sensitive…so my schedule had already become ruled by my potentially unborn, and yet to be conceived, child. My mom did a lot of the initial injections until Grant felt comfortable helping. There were even a couple of times I had to do the injecting on my own. We all became quite proficient! I had to go in every third morning for appointments to check my blood and follicle growth and have dose adustments in my medications. It quite the process. 

A sample of the used needles from all of the shots.

Then, on February 20^th my eggs were ready. Grant took me in early that morning for the egg retrieval. At that point I felt so bloated and had a good amount of abdominal pain…I was ready to get those eggs out of me and stop all of those injections.

I was put under anesthesia for the first time in my life. It felt like I was out just 5 minutes when they woke me up. In the time a normal woman produces one egg I had produced 14! They retrieved all 14 eggs. I was thrilled since I wasn’t sure I’d be able to produce any eggs. Grant gave his donation to the cause and we were on our way home. I worked the very next day, but was definitely not feeling 100%. I was feeling so bad on Wednesday that I had to take the day off work. Sometimes you can get over stimulated and it can cause quite a lot of abdominal pain and in the worst cases, hospitalization. I couldn’t even bend over I was in so much pain, but I knew it was all worth it. I tried to stay as hydrated as possible and was told to drink excessive amounts of Gatorade and eat a salty diet…hello soup!

That following Saturday, February 25, our embryos were ready and I was feeling much better. Grant and I headed to the fertility clinic for embryo transfer. I was told to drink 16 oz. of fluid and not use the bathroom because the transfer worked best on a full bladder. That was not fun! We got to the office, consulted with the doctor about how many embryos to transfer and he said 2 would give us the best shot of a healthy pregnancy with minimal risk of multiples. So we took his advice and put in two. My friend had put in two each time and ended up with 2 successful transfers each with one baby. I remember meeting another couple that morning that desperately wanted multiples. They were begging the doctor to put in more and more embryos. Our clinic is very conservative. The goal is ONE healthy baby, not an octo-mom situation. We felt that 2 was the way to go. The remaining embryos were watched and the best were frozen. We now have 8 frozen baby Beckys/Grants for use to expand our family.

I went into the surgical room and it felt like I had to wait forever with a full bladder until the doctor came in to do the transfer. I got to see the embryos before they were put in. They each had 8-16 perfect little cells. The transfer only took a minute and felt kind of like a pap smear. Then, I had to lie on the bed with my hips elevated still with a full bladder for 30 more minutes. It seemed like a long time. I made it, quickly went to the restroom, and was sent home to be on bed rest for Saturday and take it easy on Sunday and then it was back to work on Monday.

I wouldn’t find out if they took or not until our next appointment…3/6. At that appointment they would do a blood test to see if my HCG levels were elevated.

To be continued…

Part Three: Money, Money, Money!!

So we were about to board the IVF train, but we needed to see how much the tickets were. God was there to hold our hands as we tried to figure this all out financially.

 

I left working in golf to work in pharmaceutical sales in 2008. I loved working at my first pharmaceutical company. The company was great, my coworkers were amazing, the medication was second to none. But I could see that my time there was limited due to my medication losing patent exclusivity (going generic) and me having the least seniority in the area. I had to look for another job.

I searched high; I searched low. I interviewed and interviewed. Then, I heard of a new medication coming to the market. This company was new to this sector (the one I had been working in since 2008) and was hiring a whole new sales force. I applied. My first phone interview was with an out-of-state manager as the Florida manager was yet to be hired. He asked very specific questions about my geography and local accounts. Questions that I knew the answers to, but this kind of knowledge does not come free. I told him that the reason he would hire me was because I knew these accounts inside and out, but that I was not going to just give him this information over the phone. He would have to trust and hire me to take advantage of my knowledge and expertise. He asked me a few clinical questions regarding the new medication, but I had not read each clinical trial. I feared that I just interviewed myself out of the job.

Shortly after the phone interview I was asked to travel to Tampa to interview with this manager face-to-face. However, the turnaround time was tight and I was already scheduled to ride with my current manager those days, so I had to decline. Once again, I feared that this job was not going to work out. I called the manager from the number he had used when he called me for the phone interview. His wife answered…turned out that was his home phone! I explained the situation to her and she gave me his email address. I emailed and let him know that if my chances at this job rode on this trip to Tampa that I would do it, but that if there were another time/location to meet with him that would be ideal. He told me he’d push me through to the next round with no needing to worry about traveling to Tampa. Yay!

Next step was a face-to-face interview with who would turn out to be my new manager and his boss in Atlanta. Needless to say, I kicked butt and got the job that day. My current employer is based out of Massachusetts and has been a great work home for me. You may wonder…how is this connected?

IVF can cost up to $20,000+ per attempt with each attempt offering ~60% pregnancy rates. Grant and I had been saving for it for a while because I knew that we might have to go that route to have children. Now that we knew we had to go in that direction it was time to see how much this would really cost us. Our fertility clinic ran our insurance (BCBS of Massachusetts) and…we got amazing news. As long as we did a few extra tests and filled out a prior authorization we were 100% covered by insurance for up to two IVF attempts! How many people in Florida have BCBS of Massachusetts?! Once again, God definitely had his hand in steering me to this new job at this time in our lives. He provided.

Part Two: Our Journey...continued

Upon our return from Europe I was in the hunt for our annual incentive trip for work. We decided to focus on work through the end of December to see if I could finish high enough to win. While I was working long days we set up a consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist, the best one we could find in Jacksonville.

We met with Dr. Winslow. We tried clomid oral pills. I went in for an ultrasound to see if the pills made me ovulate. I remember the doctor telling my that it failed. Failure is not in my vocabulary. I had a follow up with Dr. Winslow. He told me, in a very matter of fact way, that if I wanted to have children I'd need to do IVF (invitro fertilization). It was one of those moments where time stands still, a moment where your life changes and you can feel it changing. 

IVF was not a new concept to me. It was always in the back of my mind. 


In 2007, I was told I'd be promoted at my job, but they weren't sure when. I decided to start looking for a new job. I landed an interview with Eli Lilly for a pharmaceutical sales position in Orlando. It came down to me and one other candidate after several rounds of computer screens, phone screens, face-to-face interviews, field rides, etc. Grant and I researched the area in Orlando where we'd have to move. We talked about it and decided it wasn't the right job, place and time. I called the hiring manager to thank him for the opportunity and pull myself out of the mix. He asked that I keep in touch.

I was then officially promoted at my current job. I never kept in touch with the manager at Lilly...until I got a random call 5 months later. Lilly had a job for me in Jacksonville. I didn't have to move. It was a specialty job and a significantly better package than my current job. The timing, place and job were all perfect. I signed the papers, gave my notice tearfully at my old job and realized my life was evolving yet again.

Lilly training included 3 weeks of in house training at their home office in Indianapolis. We were assigned roommates. My roommate was Natalie from Utah. At first I thought we'd never be friends, that we were so different. During those three weeks we became great friends. We shared a lot of memories and helped each other make it through 3 weeks of intense training and 3 weeks away from home.

We continued our friendship over the phone once we were in the field. Natalie shared with me her fertility struggles and every step of her IVF journey. God put Natalie in my life. We flew to Utah twice and met Natalie and her husband Ryan in Las Vegas. We met their two IVF success babies. 

I supported her through the injections, tests, positive and negative results. Little did we know that she'd be doing the same for me a few years later. I thank God for putting Natalie and me in that apartment in Indianapolis. 

Part One: Our Journey...from the beginning

I'm going to start at the beginning.  I've always known that it would be hard for me to conceive...if it was even possible. So when people would ask me about having children I would always say maybe we will...preparing myself for the possibility of me not being able to have children of my own, but always dreaming that I could have my own biological children with Grant.

When I was in high school I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Part of my health concerns involved me not ovulating. When I was young that wasn't a big problem, but I knew it would be when I met Grant. It was always in the back of my head. Would I be able to get pregnant? Would Grant be ok if I couldn't? Why am I broken?

This was something I discussed with Grant early on. Being the amazing man that he is, he loved me for me with or with ovulation. I knew that I had eggs and that Grant had swimmers...and we had a lot of love, faith and support...that's all you need, right?

Grant and I got married in 2006. It was a hot, beautiful day in Chicago.

I couldn't have asked for anything more. We each chose 3 places we wanted to travel to together before we started a family. Grant picked California, Colorado and New York. I picked Hawaii, France and Italy. Just a little difference in our taste! ;)

We had a blast during our first 5.5 years of marriage. We traveled up the coast of California from San Diego to San Francisco. We learned to ski together, swapping Utah for Colorado. We cruised the Hawaiian islands, enjoying our 5 minutes of cruise ship fame on The "newly wed game." We enjoyed a long weekend in the Big Apple. Our last trip was the best trip...we traveled to Europe together in September 2011.

We flew into Paris, traveled to Nice, then Monaco. We to a train from Nice into Italy...stopping in Milan on our way to the Cinque Terre. It was on that train that I found a sense of peace. I remember the moment. I had this sense of clarity that I was ready to be a mom and take that next step with Grant. I looked outside and realized that we had just entered Italy...our final destination as set in 2006. God was with us on that train and has been with us through each step of our journey.

BG