Milestones

I remember the milestones the babies had to reach before they could be discharged. I was at the hospital daily. I timed my visits around the doctor’s rounds and their feeding times. The first week I arrived in time for the 8:30am feeding and stayed until after the 11:30am feeding. The neonatologists commented to me about how present I was, but I thought where else would I be?! Grant went to the NICU every day after work for the 5:30pm feeding. They babies were kept on a strict 3 hour schedule.

I was quickly able to pump enough milk to support the babies 100%. That meant I had to be pumping  milk for the babies every 2 hours at home and sleeping about 5 hours a night. I was running on adrenaline. The first time I spoke to Dr. Alveido I asked him when the babies would be discharged. The nurse advised the doctor not to give any estimate to me. I was devastated. I just wanted to know, but I knew that if they gave me a date and the babies were not home by then I’d be even more upset. Instead, they discussed with me the milestones the babies would have to meet before they could come home.

1. Breathing on their own. Both Reese and Zane had issues with this initially. Zane's were more severe than Reese's. His heart rate dropped dramatically on its own the first night he was in the NICU. They call that a "Brady." It's like a mini heart attack. We learned about that and many other things through our time in the NICU. Both babies were on oxygen tubes pumping room air into their little lungs, helping them breathe. This was the first milestone the both reached.

Changing Zane's diaper :)

Zane (front) Reese (back)

Father and son

2. Maintaining their body temperature. Zane was able to do this quicker than his sister. I was SO excited when both of them could maintain their body temperature (a solid 37 degrees Celsius). At that point both of the lids on their beds were raised and we could touch them. That was a big step for me and for them. Reese took a step back and her lid had to go back down after a day of trying to maintain her temperature on her own. Every time they took even the slightest step backwards I cried and wondered when they'd ever come home.

Changing Reese's diaper in her incubator.

Father and Daughter

We took their temperatures every 3 hours with the goal of them maintaining 37 degrees Celsius

Taking Reese's temperature.

Dad taking Reese's temperature.

3. Feeding. This was the hardest milestone to meet. They both started out with IVs and feeding tubes. The IVs were in all different places...their feet, arms, hands and even in their heads. It was so hard to see them with these IVs and having to be re-stuck all the time because it would come out. Luckily, they lost the IVs pretty quickly and then just had to work on feeding out of a bottle. The nurses said it would take until 36-37 weeks for them to learn how to really eat out of a bottle. Reese seemed to catch on really quick, within a few days of birth. They removed her feeding tube. I was THRILLED! Until I came to visit and they replaced her tube and she was yet again a few steps back. The nurses were right. At week 36 a light seemed to switch on first with Reese then with Zane. They started eating their bottles consistently, rarely needing their feeding tubes.

This goal took a while to reach!

Reese sleeping with her feeding tube.

Zane and his tube.

Feeding time for Zane.

Feeding Reese for the first time.

Dad and Reese.

More fun times feeding :)

At the NICU all babies have to pass a carseat test before they are discharged. This is the last step before discharge. Whenever I saw parents bringing in carseats I was envious. I was waiting for the day I could bring in my carseats. I always had them in the car.

After the babies passed a carseat test they were usually discharged the next day. When they’re discharged they nurses bring a red wagon and put the babies in a carseat and put the seat into the wagon and wheel them downstairs. I couldn’t wait to see the red wagon in my babies rooms.
I remember going to the NICU on day 15. Reese was eating so well and Zane was starting to eat consistently as well. The nurse manager told me how well Reese was doing. Here is our conversation:

"Reese took all of her bottles yesterday, last night and this morning," said Nurse Jennifer.
"Wow, I am so proud of her. How long does she need to consistently take her bottles?" I said.
"Until discharge."
"And...when might that be?!"
"You can bring in your carseat tomorrow."

I died! I got emotional and had goosebumps. I knew Reese was now just a couple of days away from discharge. I knew for a while that she would probably be discharged before Zane as she was doing better with her feedings than he was. I knew it would be hard to leave him and take her home. But the thought of me being able to bring in a car seat was so exciting. We were one step closer to having our whole family at home.

The longest 17 and 18 days of my life

When I went in to deliver Reese and Zane I expected a normal birth. I expected one to come right after the other (that didn't happen!), to be able to hold my babies right away, to be able to have them in my room with me and Grant post-delivery, to introduce them to all of our family and friends who came to visit them/us in the hospital and to be able to bring them home with us when I got discharged. Needless to say, none of that happened.

Right when Reese came out I got to see her (see the photos from the post above). Grant was able to cut her umbilical cord. Then, she was taken right away to the NICU where she stayed for 17 long days. When Zane was born I was able to see him briefly. Grant wasn't able to cut his umbilical cord. Then, he was taken right to the NICU for the next 18 days.

I was still on the operating table. Grant checked with me and I told him to go with the babies to the NICU while I was still in the OR. After a while I was wheeled back to my room and was told I could go see the twins in the NICU once I could walk.

I immediately got out of bed. I was a little numb, but not much at all. Grant got me a wheelchair and wheeled me to see my children.

I remember that moment. The moment I arrived to Reese's bedside in the NICU.

I couldn't hold back the tears. My babies were in separate isolated beds closed from the world with a bunch of wires and IVs coming out of them. It was so hard to see them like that when all I wanted to do was hold them and love on them. They were so little, so helpless and looked so alone.I looked through my tear-filled eyes and saw my baby girl and fell in love. I wanted to reach in and take her back to my room with me, but knew I couldn't. She was so little and had ten perfect fingers and the cutest little face. She looked like an angel sleeping there.

I then went to the next bed in the NICU to see Zane, my son.

He was hooked up to even more monitors. I cried more. He has a CPAP machine and and an oxygen tube that reminded me of what my Granny was on when she was older from years of smoking, only my baby boy had only been born a few short hours ago. It was SO hard to see him like that.

The NICU nurses, many of whom we'd grow to love, let us hold Reese. Here is a photo of me with her for the first time.

It wasn't until the next day that I was able to hold Zane. Here is Grant with him the next day.

There are many things that parents of full term babies take for granted. Being able to have their babies in their rooms at the hospital. Being able to introduce their babies to family and friends in the hospital. Spending quality time with the babies including skin-to-skin contact, feeding and holding them. Having a traditional discharge where they wheel the mom in a wheelchair out to her car while she holds her baby/babies and has balloons tied to her chair with her husband carrying the rest of their stuff.

We never had those moments. At the time it felt like those moments were stolen from me. Each time I'd see a mom being wheeled out with her baby and balloons I'd cry as I walked by on my way to the NICU. I found myself on the verge of tears on most of my drives from home to the NICU. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

Now that I look back on it all it seems to have gone by so quickly, but when we were in it it seemed to take forever to get them discharged. Our time in the NICU was difficult, but we learned SO much and made great friends with the amazing staff. We learned to be parents. We were taught how to properly care for preemies, feed them, change them, burp them, wash them. They were put on a great schedule. I know it happened for a reason and I am grateful that we had that time.

The birth of Reese and Zane

Me 5 days before the babies came.

Here is how it happened.

On September 29^th I started having really strong upper middle back pain. So strong I couldn’t move…I was crying in pain. I tried a heating pad. Grant massaged me. I took Tylenol. It finally was manageable, but that was the start of the worst week of my pregnancy. Before that date I had very little aches/pains/symptoms of pregnancy.

On Monday, October 1^st I had an ultrasound to check on the babies growth. They estimated that Reese was 4 pounds 15 ounces and Zane was 4 pounds 8 ounces. I was so squirmy on the ultrasound table because I was in a lot of pain in my ribs…more than usual.

My four kids! :)

The rest of that week I had headaches and was grew more and more uncomfortable.

On Friday night a group of our friends went out to a nearby bar. Grant and I decided to join them. We got there at 8:30pm. We took some photos with my belly and had a great time. I had a headache, but assumed that it was because I was dehydrated, so I drank quite a bit of water while out. At 10:30pm we left. Grant went to get the car and I noticed that I had more wetness than normal…

 Taking some fun photos with my belly...for the last time! Who knew?!

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That night I asked Grant to finish packing our hospital bag using the checklist I had written while I laid in bed with upper middle back pain. I decided to take a warm bath thinking that it might relieve some of the strain of the extra weight on my back. It didn’t work. Then, at 1:00am we went to bed.

At 3:30am I woke up to use the restroom and noticed that I was wet again…but it wasn’t a gush or anything. Grant was sleeping. I figured in the morning I’d wake him up and we’d go to the hospital just to get checked out.

At 6:30am I woke up and felt something…It felt like I was about to have a heavy discharge. I quickly got up and made it to the toilet…where my water broke.

Before all of this happened I wondered if I’d know when I was going into labor. Would I know what contractions felt like? Would I know it if my water broke? Now I know the answers to those questions!

I called for Grant and told him my water had broken. I called the OB on call and explained the situation and was advised to go to the hospital. I asked if I could take a shower first, she said yes. I called my parents’ house. My Dad answered. I told him to tell my mom that my water broke and we were heading to the hospital to have our babies! He was in shock and woke my mom up to tell her.

I showered, shaved, dried my hair, did my make-up. Then, my mom was calling. She asked where we were…I told her at home. They were already at the hospital!

 Ready to go to the hospital!

We arrived at the hospital around 8:00am.

They didn’t have record of my preregistration so we had to register at the front desk. My dad got me a wheelchair. Once we checked in we were taken to Labor and Delivery where I was put in a triage room.

They hooked me up to a bunch of monitors. One for each babies heart rate and one for mine. Only one person was allowed in triage with me at a time. Grant stayed with me for a while then traded places with my Mom and then Tess came to see me.

I seemed to be in that room for a long time waiting for the doctor. The doctor checked me and verified that my water had broken and told me I was only 1cm. This whole time I was having painful contractions that lasted 30-45 seconds every 2 minutes. She talked to me about vaginal versus C-Section deliveries. I opted for a vaginal delivery since I was a good candidate and both babies were head down. The one risk was delivering Twin A vaginally and then needing a C-Section for Twin B should he turn or be in distress.

I was moved into a Labor and Deliver room and after about 4 hours of regular contractions I asked for an epidural. I was nervous that it would hurt. They let my mom stay in while the anesthesiologist put in my epidural. I contracted three times while she was prepping and sticking me. I had to try so hard not to move. Surprisingly, it was not painful except for the lidocaine injections to numb the area.

The epidural took effect relatively quickly and I enjoyed watching College GameDay with Grant, my Mom, Tess and Zack. At 2:30pm I was checked and I was 4cm and about 80%. I figured I’d be pushing around 9pm. I was happy because I’d be able to watch the Gator game.

Here are a few photos from my time post epidural, pre pushing :)

My mom fixated on watching the babies heartbeats :)

Tess waiting

Checking my phone

We're just chilling, waiting on the babies.

A couple of photos of me and Grant before our world changes!

My favorite button...hello epidural!

Just before halftime of the Gator game at 4:30 I was checked again. I was 10cm! The nurse went to get the doctor and I was wheeled to the OR. They deliver all twins in the OR at my hospital in the event of an emergency C-Section. Grant and my mom put on their scrubs and joined me.

Heading to the OR!!!

When I entered the OR there were a lot of people there. Me, Grant, my Mom, the anesthesiologist, a nurse anesthetist, 3 nurses for me, my OB, and 3 nurses per baby and a NICU PA. I felt like there was a lot of pressure on me to push these babies out fast.And that didn’t happen!

Me and my mom in the OR.

Ready for Reese and Zane!

Some of the entourage

After pushing for 2 hours Reese was born. Reese Harper Clem was born at 6:36pm and weighed in at 4 pounds 10 ounces and 16.5 inches long. Grant cut Reese’s umbilical cord and she was taken to the NICU.

My baby girl!!

Dad cutting the cord!

Her weight

My baby's hand :)

I'm in love!!!!

Three generations of strong, amazing women!

Then, I was told that I went from 10cm to 8cm. They discussed wheeling me back into a Labor & Delivery room to “labor down.” Then, some of the nurses left to go to another delivery. it seemed that Zane’s heart rate was fluctuating a bit too much when I was contracting. The decision was made to keep me in the OR and to push him out. So I started pushing. My epidural was wearing off…especially on my left side. I was exhausted. Then, my OB left to deliver another baby. Suddenly it was just me, Grant, my Mom, the nurse anesthetist and two nurses. There was no one to catch my baby. I was told to keep pushing…so I did, but I was frustrated. At shift change I lost my great nurses and was left with two that would have rather talked to themselves than count 1-10 through my contractions or tell me when to push. My Mom stepped in and counted for me and directed the nurses. Grant held one of my legs and I pushed, not sure if I was pushing effectively. After what seemed like forever my doctor came back. She said we could do a C-Section if this was too much for me. I said no. There was no way I was doing that unless Zane needed it. She helped me know when I was pushing effectively and we got Zane out. Zane Jackson Clem was born at 8:35pm and weighed 4 pounds 7 ounces and was 17.5 inches long. Zane was taken to the NICU quickly. I was sewn up and then wheeled back into my Labor & Delivery room. I got to see each baby, but I didn’t get to hold them. Grant went to the NICU to check on them.

My baby Zane! Love my new, little man!!

After delivery it didn’t take long for me to walk over to the NICU and see my babies. J I feel in love.

First time holding Reese in the NICU hours after delivery.

Saying hi to my baby Zane :)

Grant with Zane.

Reese and Dad.

Dad checking out Reese

Us with our little baby girl Gator!